Finding Contentment: Why you need to stop comparing yourself

 “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

That’s what I was always told and I don’t know anyone who would disagree. If anything, they might add to the list. Comparison shifts your focus from gratitude and the feeling of being enough to jealousy and shame. You start thinking about how better your life, circumstances, or relationships would be if it were altered in some way. And usually that “way” is done better by someone else. There is nothing wrong with wanting to grow and improve an area in your life, but you should understand the motivation for wanting to do it. Do you want to make changes because you saw pictures or heard a story of the proverbial "Joneses" and you can't stop thinking about them? The Joneses parent the best, have the best house, and wear the best clothes. They attend the best schools and go on the best vacations and have the best life. And a part of you desires to keep up with the Joneses, most of us do, and not only in a materialistic way. No one wants to feel left out or like what they have isn't good. But would you have felt less "good" had you not seen an image or had a conversation about someone else?

Comparison seeps into our everyday lives in a sneaky way. It sneaks in at the office, within our homes, and within our relationships. Comparison tells us that what we have and who we are aren’t enough. Good enough, patient enough, small enough, tall enough, simply enough. And our insides are screaming at us to STOP IT but stopping would require us to make shifts that maybe we aren't ready or willing to make. We may suffer from comparison but at least we are in the know, right? Wrong! If comparison robs us of joy then what are we left with? The shallow waters of self pity that still have the ability to drown us?  If you find yourself at the end of your rope when it comes to comparing yourself to others, then read ahead. Here are a few helpful truths I want to remind you of, and if I’m honest, they are truths that I also need to hear.

You are living your journey at your own pace
If you want to remain happy, don’t have 5 kids and then talk to your financial advisor. Have you heard how much you're supposed to save for your kids' future? Just for college they recommended 300k per child. And if that's not depressing enough, that figure doesn't include helping them buy a house or assisting with their future weddings. I don't know about you, but I am not made of money (who even came up with these parental expectations anyway). And yet, some people are made of money it seems. Some people can afford that bill. But does that make me inadequate as a mother if I can't?

One of the many problems with comparison is that we don’t adequately compare. We do not take into account all the factors that have contributed to a person’s success that happen behind the scene. You are not climbing the same hill as anyone else. No two people are the same and no two people have the same set of circumstances, problems, capabilities, and privileges. Comparing yourself to others only hinders your progress in your journey. Remember that everyone has their own set of circumstances, experiences, and challenges. What may work for someone else might not necessarily work for you. Embrace your individuality, and focus on your personal growth at your own pace. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how big or small, and let them be the stepping stones to your own success.

Limit the Illusion of Perfection
There is no such thing as perfection. We have never seen it and we will never be able to replicate something that doesn’t exist. You cannot cultivate the perfect life, it’s impossible. In today's digital age, social media platforms showcase carefully curated versions of people's lives. What you see online is often a highlight reel, meticulously crafted to present an image of perfection. Comparing your behind-the-scenes with someone else's highlight reel will only lead to dissatisfaction and self-doubt. Instead, focus on your own journey and strive for progress, not perfection. Embrace your flaws and imperfections, for they make you beautifully human.

Nurture Self-Compassion
Comparing yourself to others can often stem from a lack of self-acceptance and self-love. After a good comparison session, you may even feel ashamed and a sense of lack. Be kind to yourself. The best way to be kind to yourself is by practicing self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same love and care you would extend to a dear friend. You have your own set of strengths and areas of growth, as does everyone else. Embrace your strengths and work on improving areas where you feel you can grow. By nurturing self-compassion, you will create a nurturing environment for personal growth and positive self-esteem.

Celebrate Collaboration, not Competition
Life is not a competition or a race. And if it were, since I hate running, I would be walking. Instead of seeing others as competitors, view them as potential collaborators and sources of inspiration. Someone can inspire you without making you want to change things about you. Celebrate the accomplishments of others without feeling threatened or inferior. Surround yourself with a supportive community that encourages growth, learning, and mutual respect. By fostering a collaborative mindset, you open yourself up to endless possibilities and forge meaningful connections.

Define Your Own Success
Success is a deeply personal and subjective concept. What I view as success looks very different from what someone else may view it as. It's essential to define success on your own terms, based on your values, aspirations, and passions. Comparing your achievements to someone else's version of success diminishes your unique accomplishments. Instead, set realistic goals aligned with your personal growth and values. Celebrate your progress and be grateful for the experiences that shape you. Remember, success is not a destination; it's a lifelong journey.

I once heard that Michael Jordan used to only compare himself to himself. Looking at how much he improved day-to-day or week-to-week in a sport that he loved. Even though there were other people on the court and on his team he was accountable for himself. If you must compare, let it be to your own growth and progress. Remember that you are a work in progress, constantly evolving and growing. When you let go of comparison, nurture self-compassion and define your own success, you will embark on a path filled with self-confidence, authenticity, and joy. A path that's yours and no one else's.